Question: I just got married and I’ve heard tons of mixed opinions on combining finances or keeping them separate… Is there a general rule of thumb I should follow? Curious how my partner and I can make a decision that we both feel good about. Thank you!
Answer:
Congratulations on your marriage! Deciding how to handle your finances as a couple is one of the biggest steps you’ll take toward building a life together. It’s also one of the most personal — and sometimes complicated — choices you’ll make with your partner. While there’s no one-size-fits-all rule, there are some best practices that can guide you to a plan that works for both of you.
Start with honest conversations.
Money isn’t just about dollars and cents; it’s inextricably linked with our emotions, values, and goals. Set aside time to talk openly with your partner about your income, savings and debt, along with your big money goals, and where you see yourselves in 10 or 20 years down the line. This will help you build a foundation of trust and transparency, which sets you up to avoid the number one relationship killer: money fights. (Seriously. Research shows couples who fight over money once a week are 30% more likely to divorce than those who disagree a few times a month.)
Accounts can be yours, mine and ours.
When it comes to the joint-versus-separate debate, one approach that works for many couples is to have both joint and individual accounts. For example, you can create a joint account for shared expenses — like rent, groceries, and utilities — and maintain separate accounts for personal spending. This setup balances teamwork with independence. It allows you to pool resources for common goals while keeping a degree of autonomy in your individual financial choices. When both parties have financial autonomy, it can help reduce feelings of power imbalance. At the same time, a joint account signals a shared commitment and helps both partners see where their money is going.
Dividing To Conquer
In terms of shared financial responsibilities, know that it’s rare for couples to earn identical incomes, so dividing expenses equally might not feel fair. You and your partner might want to consider splitting costs proportional to your incomes. For example, if you earn 60% of the household income and your partner earns 40%, you could cover 60% of your shared expenses while your partner handles 40%. This ensures both partners contribute fairly without straining their individual budgets.
As for saving, remember that teamwork makes the dream work. Create a shared savings account for joint goals, like a vacation or a down payment on a home. And don’t lose sight of the biggest shared goal of all — a successful retirement. Sit down together to review your contributions to 401(k)s, IRAs, and other investment accounts. If one partner is contributing less than they could, discuss ways to beef up contributions so you’re both working towards a shared vision for the future.
Flexibility Is Key
Finally, be flexible. What works for you both right now might not work forever, and that’s okay. Whether you’re merging accounts, keeping them separate, or finding a hybrid approach, you’ll need to stay open to revisiting and revising your system. Over the years, you’ll change jobs, get raises, or maybe have kids, and your financial approach will need to evolve. The most important thing is to prioritize open communication and mutual respect. By working together, you’ll not only create a financial plan that suits you both, you’ll also strengthen your partnership. Because building a life together isn’t just about how you split the bills — it’s about creating a future you both love!
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